@DamienFahey: If the car behind me honks while waiting for my parking space at the mall, I turn off my car and visibly start a rubik's cube.
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@RandomAntics: He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you.
@rockymomax: wife: [walks in door] so whats the big news? -the baby walked! wife: OMG where is he? -i sent him to the store for an ice cream cake
@flashember: [Ariel climbs Rapunzel's hair with a dinglehopper between her teeth] "There can only be one socially awkward Princess," she vows savagely.
@ingmarbirdman: *bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*