@AKenyanDude: If the cup is only half full, I suggest you buy a smaller bra
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@montgomaryrock: Give a man a six pack and he'll drink for a day. Give him a 24 pack and he'll drink for a day.
@PeaceInTruth1: Coworker: Stop Me: collaborate and listen Coworker: Don't Me: you forget about me Coworker: Hey! Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
@DirtMcTurd: Geico commercials should just show pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say "people like this are out there."
@Shock_Monster: If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn't have super sized that fry order.