@kathybotteas: If the emoji I wanna text is not in the "recently used," you may have to wait 3 days till I find it.
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@MartaEffing: Her: omg, I'm SO happy for you! Me: *shaking head* No, no, no... I said I got 'enraged', today. Not 'engaged'.
@murrman5: [wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@qwertying: Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every 6 months about it.