@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.
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@curlycomedy: At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
@noogscorner: Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week.
@bobbiejo448: Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It's to the point that Google even knows when I'm high.
@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.