@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.
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@2thestreetz: *lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*
@tastefactory: [ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I've expressed this political opinion so clearly, there's no way anyone could misinterpret it. THE INTERNET: lmao challenge accepted
@E_lok44: He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives.