@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
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@michaelianblack: Why are we making such a big deal about the wheels on the bus going round and round? They're wheels.
@LOsepyan: I feel like life would be so much more enjoyable if punching bags and pinatas were strategically placed throughout the day
@inmynewskin: Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks.
@RidiculousSheri: I can't afford Ugg boots, so I just never shave below the knee to create the illusion that I'm wearing them.