@1CarParade: If the government keeps doing nothing for much longer, it will get its own reality show on E!
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@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
@ElKnuckelhombre: [date shouting over music on the dance floor]: WHY ARE YOU HOLDING TWO CORN DOGS? Me: BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!
@HeyZeus666: My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
@GoldenSpirals: I'm just a girl, sitting in her car, wondering what the person I texted "I'm in the cat" to, is thinking right now.