@Book_Krazy: If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you.
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@kumailn: "Every family on 2013 had 'quite the year'." - study conducted using Christmas newsletters
@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"
@withanewname: [my first day as a financial investor] "I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"