@Book_Krazy: If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you.
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@MartaEffing: [first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*
@notalogin: Did you ask her out? Yes. And? She only dates guys named Matt. Cause she likes to walk all over them? No, tattoo she can't afford to remove.
@TheDairylandDon: I don't trust the so-called "mainstream media." I get news from ouija boards and an angry owl living in the woods on the outskirts of town.