@PaulyPeligroso: If the light turns green & the guy behind you honks cause he thinks you're taking too long to go get out & start checking your tire pressure
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@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit
@Carbosly: I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like "Sorry little Canadians. We're full."
@neerjagurnani: The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds.
@EmergencyQB: How much do you want to bet that the inventor of the Lazy Susan has an ex-wife named Susan?