@hipchkk: If the majority of twitter's trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention.
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@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."
@OverlandParker: Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.
@Mouthy_: Three people I never mess with:n1- PMSing women.n2- Truck drivers.n3- PMSing truck drivers.