@hipchkk: If the majority of twitter's trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention.
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@DevilryFun: I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
@AmishPornStar1: The people who came up with all these different rules for pluralization are bunch of peni.
@BoozeWallet: MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming
@AaronFullerton: 1938: "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's... Superman!" 2013: "Is that a drone?" "Yeah, it's probably a drone."