@Mr_Kapowski: If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber
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@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
@Adyaces: Doc: You need to lose some weight. Me: How? Dr: Don't eat anything fatty. Me: Like pies and chips? Dr: No. Don't eat anything, fatty.
@13spencer: I keep having to remind myself that an "oral history" is not nearly as exciting as it sounds.