@BillDixonish: If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa.
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@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*
@SatansTongue: *Meninist meeting* WOMEN ARE EVIL- *phone rings* Uhh just a second... *picks up phone* Mom not while I'm doing my club! Yes, pizza tonight.
@PanicRestroom: It's like grandma always said... In a car with a sunroof, you have more room for your legs