@BillDixonish: If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa.
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@stuckinaportal: [we both wake up in a panic] her: i dreamed you died me: I DREAMED YOU LEFT ME ALONE AT THE GROCERY CHECKOUT LINE TO GRAB ANOTHER ITEM
@MarfSalvador: Him: Shall we have sex? Her: I want to wait til we're married Him: Ugh fine Priest: Shall I continue?
@PellMull: I go under the police tape, approach the chalk outlined body, and flash my subway sandwich card. "Ok what do we got here?"