@NJPsychDoc: If the opposite of impossible is Possible & the opposite of immature is Mature, you can conclude that i'm a very Portant person to some.
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@shariv67: The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property.
@DudeImShawn: Math problem: Q: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? A: Diabetes. John has diabetes.
@13spencer: [Having a problem with my iPhone] Me: *texting myself* Test Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Do you want to watch Batman Forever?" Me: "I'll watch it for a couple of hours." Wife: "I hate you."