@Classy_Cassy89: If the people in your car don't match the stick figures on your rear window, I'll report your vehicle stolen.
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@Ideal_Victoria: Me: I don’t care how cute you are, I will tear you to shreds if you don’t start cooperating. Wrapping paper: *rips*
@david8hughes: [phone rings] Mum: your grandad isn't well. I'm afraid he's on his deathbed Me: well tell him to get in a different bed then
@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"