@Cheeseboy22: If the Pottery Barn didn't want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn't have called it a barn.
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@ChaseMit: "We're not so different, you and I," Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.
@SadieSkyNinja: My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.
@breatheandlove: On the news: there's a shortage of maternity-ward staff. You could say it's a bit of a…*looks away* *mumbles* MIDWIFE crisis! (…sorry.)