@badbanana: If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
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@Pro_Jones_: Wife: Did you do the dishes like I asked? Me: Sorry I was busy W: Doing what? *cat rides by on Roomba wearing gladiator outfit* Me: Uh..
@GurjarShakti: Girl- send your pic. Me - i hv a group photo with friends. Girl- ok send. Me *sent a group photo* Girl - where are you ? Me- clicking pic.
@joejwest: [traffic jam] MAN: [rolls down window] Dude, why? ME: [in the next car holding a rabbit as it repeatedly kicks the horn] It's his birthday