@PS_IRuddYou: If the stick figure people started committing more crimes... I could be a legendary sketch artist for the FBI.
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@kelkulus: Apple will start making Macs in America. In related news, Macs will now cost 3 billion dollars. #SOTU
@TheMichaelRock: I always bring in a dozen donuts to work the first day after the New Year, just for my coworkers on a diet.
@thenatewolf: *Orders pizza* What a night *Phone buzzes* And a text? Killing it *checks phone* ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising
@TheMichaelRock: Some guy robbed a local gas station and stole $700 worth of cigarettes. I wonder what he'll do with both packs.