@Izianikapani: If the US admits that Trump's presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.
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@J_Illunninati: The guy who made my sandwiches told me Have Fun as he handed them to me. Not sure what he thinks I was gonna do wit them
@DeanB15: Lindsay Lohan said she's voting for Mitt b/c "employment is really important right now" Like it's Obama's fault no one wants to hire her.
@noogscorner: Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text "Medusa's excited to meet you." Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
@truegritrumble: PRIEST: Is there any reason these two shouldn't be wed? ME: *from the back* SHE HOLDS ONTO CHECKS FOR MONTHS & THEN CASHES THEM UNEXPECTEDLY