@sucittaM: If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I'll be a very wealthy man.
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@13spencer: If the headline just read "Kanye West Acts Like a Shithead," news sites could reuse it over and over again.
@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."
@RandomAntics: The best revenge is living well, so I really need to know what the second best revenge is.