@okmatchhead: If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: I bet dogs at parties get tired of being singled out by socially awkward humans.
@RandomlyMJ: Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man "What are you thinking?" Because now I know and I am horrified.
@SamuelHLowe: - I'm here to register for the pessimists' club. - Is the glass half empty or half full? - What glass? - Gentlemen, we have a new leader!
@Jen_Up_: I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.