@iYoungKhalifa: If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
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@IamEveryDayPpl: Kids are making millions off apps and games they've created and I haven't watched TV in days because I hit a wrong button on the remote...
@seandunn76: Ever notice how a piece of lint on a sheet can look like a scary insect? Unrelated, is anyone selling a mattress? Mine is on fire.
@ThaJawn: God: *holding a cat by its scruff* WHO MADE THIS? Resentful Angel: I don't know. You didn't? God: NO, it hates me and people Angel: weird
@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."