@TheTweetOfGod: If "the word impossible is not in your vocabulary", you have a pretty limited vocabulary.
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@LanaAllende: Pretty disappointed that Shakespeare's Hamlet didn't turn out to be the story of a delicious tiny ham.
@ibid78: Dating tip: to impress your date, put a napkin on your lap. Along with your plate. And the table. And the waiter. You're now the restaurant.
@Fred_Delicious: "so doc... am I dying?" "we're all dying, just at different speeds" "but what about me" "You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"
@FullGrownChris: Cashier: "Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween" Me: "It's Halloween?"