@SveldtSmelt: If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue.
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@ashmensch: *guy getting eaten by a shark* Guy: I just wanted to say I'm Vegan. Shark, spitting him out: Wtf man. I had you in my mouth & everything.
@Fred_Delicious: I bet Lincoln is looking down like "dude, trust me, that is not a bad night in a theater"
@jonnysun: i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"