@SveldtSmelt: If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue.
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@fuzzlime: I thought it was a staring contest but then I realized the guy had a glass eye so now I can never go back to that gas station again.
@CornerPubRon: When my new neighbor dies, I'm going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial.
@Dani_Feld: All I do is eat, drink, sleep and tweet. I'm basically just a more annoying version of a Tamagotchi.
@Michael1979: At Christmas, it's important to pause and remember all those who have wronged you this year and how you can wreak vengeance on them in 2017