@SveldtSmelt: If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue.
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@DumbConfessions: Jesus: "Is it time for the second coming yet dad?" God: "I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me." Both: "LOLOLOLOL"
@JennyPentland: 10yo: When in doubt, albatrout. Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But… 10yo: ALBATROUT
@Brianhopecomedy: Took my 3 year old to a lot of historic sites and whale watching today. Asked what her favourite part was and she said, "The M&M's".