@WhiskeyPotPie: If the zombie apocalypse hits and you all need a twist tie, my mom has everyone covered.
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@Dani_Feld: That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say "no, I'm just sleeping around".
@Dr_awfulpants: [at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'