@CompChristopher: If there is a zombie apocalypse I hope that they are thriller zombies because they're fabulous dancers
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@HonestToddler: Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.
@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.
@_mcgoof: Pizza places should give away free pizza car air-freshners. Within 5seconds of sitting in your car, you WILL crave pizza.