@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: I was having a juice cleanse between 6 & 8 p.m COP: You don't need an alibi, you're not a suspect ME: I know, I'm just telling everyone
@anylaurie16: 7 yo son asked how Grandpa got lung cancer. I said, "Well, he quit a long time ago, but for many many years, Grandpa played Minecraft."
@CM2BTTHD: My half-brothers had a Hungarian dad and an Eskimo dad. My dad was from Wales. Our dinner table was like the U.N...only with slapping.