@4Crocs: If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
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@marcia_bee: Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
@StephenAtHome: If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
@xLiserx: Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
@tarastrong: "Mom, I hate the word, 'Hemorrhoid'. It's like a weird planet. Hi,I'm Hemorroidian! Or oh no! A hemorrhoid is headed 4 Earth!" -my 12yr old