@theyearofelan: If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet
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@SilleVio: Joined a street protest. Suddenly a shot, panic and everybody started running. 3 hours and a gold medal later I realised it was a marathon
@mjkspeaks: [at airport] TSA: sir, you’ve been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that’s cool i didn’t know my flight included a dental cleaning
@therealeatwood: DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please.