@WICKEDTRUTH01: If there isn't an open bar at my funeral then count me out, I'm not going!
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@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.
@TequilaTears: How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
@SlipperySecret: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. ...because I don't have time to get arrested today.
@sarcasticmommy4: If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said "Mom, you're not funny", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself.