@GreenSmoke_: If there was any award for laziness, I probably would send someone to pick it up for me.
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@trevso_electric: When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.
@AaronFullerton: Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".
@DBMaxP: It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car