@Dawn_M_: If there’s a denim jacket on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with a werewolf.
@MarfSalvador: [Interview room]
Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where's my present?!
@Tmoney68: Have manufacturers of picket fences ever gone on strike? Because the irony would be awesome.
Take your time, I'll wait.
@TheHatdog: *gets handed a Mario Kart controller at a party*
I don't know guys, I've never done this before.
*straps on monogrammed driving gloves*
@LuvPug: Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
@ScottLinnen: I fake all my origamis.