@Dawn_M_: If there’s a denim jacket on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with a werewolf.
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@3sunzzz: My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga.
@MisterBombay: I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly
@flashember: Think you know guilt? *takes long drag on cigarette* I'm the wildebeest who killed Mufasa. *exhales* I hear Simba's screams every night.
@Dutch_50: I found a bat in my basement & my first reaction was to run to the door so the light could get in, because I saw it done in a vampire movie.