@McNevich: If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper
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@collegefession: "My bf and I were having dinner with my family and I asked for my daddy to pass the sriracha my bf and my dad both reached for it" - Harvard
@RadOrDie: I bet a lot more people would read the Bible if it was called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.
@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam. ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.