@shopkins776: If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me
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@iamburtjarvis: nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou.
@SardonicTart: "OMG why am I so sore?" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* "Oh right."
@KentWGraham: Don’t believe cartoons. No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won’t actually stick to someone’s face.