@shopkins776: If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me
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@AimeeHelene1: Him: If you're waiting for me to apologize... Me: No...no...I'm just waiting to see if you leave any fries behind when you walk away.
@KenJennings: You guys, The Hobbit is a straight-up ripoff of my unreleased 3-hour experimental film "Helicopter Shots of People Walking."
@davidschneider: I hope God rethinks his decision to allow an intern to run celebrity deaths in 2016.