@shopkins776: If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me
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@thtchicmichelle: Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay.
@XLToast: Help! Has anybody seen a little boy with a corndog? Stranger: He's over there! Oh thank God! [steals little boy's corndog and runs away]
@sarah1mc: I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something.
@TheWoodenslurpy: Oh, I see. "Adam and Steve" is gay, but “Adam dates his own rib” is perfectly acceptable.