@scorpicpanda: If there's awkward silence & he asks what you're thinking about "emotionally damaged werewolves" is not the best answer. I know this now.
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@bea_ker: [guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy.
@bigmacher: #IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them.
@Jayden_Bryce: Dear makers of Axe 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner & body wash, I have no desire to buy your crap. I'm holding out until it's also a car wax.
@iGreenMonk: My girlfriend thinks my jokes are stupid, but she still wants to have sex with me. So, who's stupid now?