@tarrynklaudia_x: If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.
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@Hobo_Splendido: All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you.
@ohthatbadger: They agreed upon 'almond milk' when the original name – flavoured nut water – was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason…
@NotThatKristi: We're adults. It's bad enough we selfie. Don't make it worse with the surprise face selfie
@iwearaonesie: *sneaks into sons room to scare him* *trips over skateboard* *steps on something squishy* *turns light on* *makes him clean his room*