@Ristolable: If there's no God, why are feet naturally shoe-shaped?
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@envydatropic: I will never have to admit to a mistake at work when I can blame the last person who quit
@DadandBuried: I'm so sick of everyone asking if I *really* hate my kids. They're just jokes, people. Annoying, inconvenient jokes who are ruining my life.
@ericonederful: Pastor: pray for your enemies. Me: Dear god, please kill all of my enemies. Pastor: no! Not like that! Me: too late. I already said amen.