@Darlainky: If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.
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@jazmasta: "Please. I need this" I whisper as a 14 year old girl starts to get the better of me in an arm wrestling match.
@BonaFideIntent: Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist
@ArfMeasures: [court] LAWYER: Did u kill him? ME: No L: You know what the punishment is for committing perjury? ME [lips on the mic] Much less than murder
@EndhooS: [Calls boss] I won't be in today "Why not?" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits.