@Darlainky: If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.
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@causticbob: Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security? Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.
@asimplesean: Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him
@MyNameIsPappyG: Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer
@heidi420x: if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people's phones.