@randomnloveit: If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: Where were you on Friday? Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...
@adamrensch: Kuwait a minute. Yemen to tell me if Iraq up this war debt Iran the economy into Syria's trouble? Oman, can someone tell me if this Israel?
@jonnysun: MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is… this ur card? [holds up card that says "UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP"] ME: holy crap
@krakkenlackin: "You are what you eat" I chant furiously, shoving another roach in my mouth. Mushroom clouds keep growing in the distance