@WilliamAder: If they want to increase the use of public transit, they should start using a scale at the DMV license renewal counter.
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@deedragonhunter: Beer: When are you coming home. Me: Right away honey. See. Marriage works. Just choose the right wife.
@Mikecanrant: Whoever named them "urinal cakes" has grossly underestimated my love for cake. On a side note, what is the strongest toothpaste available?
@Jake_Vig: *opens present HER: What is this? ME: It's The One Ring. I fought orcs for it. HER: They didn't have that Michael Kors bag I showed you?