@bazecraze: If they worked, nobody would own more than one self-help book.
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@Rollmaninoz: [at my funeral] *casket falls onto the floor* Mum: that's the quickest I've ever seen him move Dad: lol owned
@bluntphilip: Adding the word "farmhouse" to a table or piece of furniture allows you to charge $1000 for it.
@alextranquada: We gave DanceBot a machete as a joke. No one could have predicted the rhythmic horror that came next.
@WonderMonkey78: I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God.