@bazecraze: If they worked, nobody would own more than one self-help book.
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@Tmoney68: Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
@internetluke: [Jaden Smith at aquarium] "...any questions?" Do Crabs Think Fish Can Fly? "No" What If Our Air Is Just Bird Water? "Huh" How Can Birds Be R
@danagould: The secret to having all of your dreams come true is to keep changing your dreams to something that's just about to happen anyway.