@bazecraze: If they worked, nobody would own more than one self-help book.
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@jesse_street: [spelling bee] Your word is "pneumonia". "Can you use it in a sentence?" Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Dad, can I have some Kit Kat for my snack tonight? Me: Absolutely not D: Why? M: Because I said so D: Because you ate them? M: Yes
@hoedeehoe: (1st day in heaven) Me: Whoa- is that Elvis? Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators
@Crunk_Jews: This midlife crisis has a lot less bank heists and high speed car chases than I had imagined.