@femaleproblems: If this isn't me
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@sulkywhitegirl: I like how my autocorrect changes "hun" to "Hun," like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads.
@TheRolo: [Gets shot by mugger] Girl walks by: omg are u ok? I'm dying [sees she isn't wearing a ring] I mean I'm fine but not as fine as you, sup?
@Black__Elvis: My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?
@ComedicBust: *Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*