@EvanJKessler: If this whole twitter thing doesn't work out, we can all get jobs writing for a company that makes mildly disturbing fortune cookies.
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@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
@CornOnTheGoblin: [DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD
@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*