@Phook75: If Thomas Jefferson was alive today people would scream "What the hell? You're almost 300 years old!"
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@AristotlesNZ: FB friend's boy in a baseball uniform pic: "Our little pitcher" Me: "He looks more like a catcher" Nobody got it. So I'm back here..
@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:
@oothikicha: Guy: you've been a bad girl. Girl: yes baby, punish me. Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*.