@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
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@GoodZiIIa: [Arrested for prank calling police] Cop: You get one phone call Me: ok *cop's phone rings* Me: is your refrigerator running
@lildandeli0n: [Gets Twitter error: "Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong"] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here.
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@BriarSlyMadness: *climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world* "When did they put a Starbucks up here?"