@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."
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@Bexdora: My Mother worries about me living in London sometimes. I tell her it's not London she has to worry about. I just injured myself on a potato.
@Fred_Delicious: [2 detectives are at a murder scene] "my god Wilkins. Are you thinking what im thinking?" ... "a lasagne driving a car?" "Exactly"