@Tmoney68: If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check.
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@EmilyZDavis: I can't believe this dog and a whole family just died because of a forgotten comma
@NurseSeymour: Waitress: need anything else? Me: yes, a cup of black coffee. W: and how would u like your coffee? M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
@FinallyHeSleeps: Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider.
@krakkenlackin: Critics are raving about Mud. "It's like dirt but wet" says one. "Oh god it's in my eyes" says another