@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion and says he's Bob Marley reincarnated, proving you can actually overdose on marijuana.
@WilliamRodgers: This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money...
@Robert_Beau: HR: You know why you're here? Me: So we can be alone? HR: Your new nickname is a problem. Me: We all have them. HR: Yes, but Sperminator?