@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.
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@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
@POTerritory: Strange how FB doesn't automatically add the enemies of your enemies as your friends,
@ibid78: Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife
@TheTobbie: I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEBODY WOULD BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-oh, never mind, I found it...