@SCOOPISMS: If Twitter is a rave then Facebook is a Tupperware party.
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@BenBrouckaert: If there isn't a fireworks company whose slogan is "our business is booming," that seems like a real missed opportunity.
@Scarlet_Rose67: My daughter asked me what marriage is like, so I threw out all her Ken dolls, except for the bald drunk one.
@david8hughes: [end of 1st round of my UFC debut] Corner man: how you feeling? Me [out of breath]: horny Corner man: yeah you gotta stop trying to kiss him