@SCOOPISMS: If Twitter is a rave then Facebook is a Tupperware party.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
@krisv_723: <Morgue> Me:*gasping sob* That's her. I'd recognize that Boner Garage tattoo anywhere. Oh, Grandma.
@existentialpink: yesterday my mom stopped to help a stranded motorist who couldn’t get his car to accelerate, and kindly informed him that he needed to stop trying to rev the engine, as it was flooding his fuel line with gas. he told her didn’t need a lady’s opinion. anyway his car caught fire