@SCOOPISMS: If Twitter is a rave then Facebook is a Tupperware party.
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@joejwest: [creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it
@sammyrhodes: Sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day was invented by a guy who had way too many chocolate covered strawberries.
@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.