@iscoff: If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich
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@moose_chocolate: This morning I waved to the garbage men and smiled at coworkers in the elevator and now I'm pretty sure my wife is drugging my coffee.
@ojedge: Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] "You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes…" Me: "Umm, it's 'fish'." M: "This. This is why."