@iscoff: If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich
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@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.
@Vodkantots: Awwww, she looks so sweet and peaceful when she's not yelling. -my kids, watching me sleep
@QwertyJones3: I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...