@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
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@Thynebear: [on the phone with wife] Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin? "Tell me why." [winks at tattoo artist] No reason.
@TheRolo: *UFO attacks* Govt: It's a weather balloon. *UFO destroys Eiffel Tower* Govt: Weather balloon. *UFO conquers Earth* Govt: Weather balloon.
@DanMentos: *gets home from game* "whoa what happened to your eye" I was on the Kiss Cam "oh she wasn't into it?" with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter