@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
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@Go2Slp: "Oh, beautiful. Just perfect. I wonder if I'll be able to control myself... aaaand they're gone." - Me with Thin Mints, and women.
@INDlAN_: [shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I’m a very good shot
@StansaidAirport: The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don't like the French.
@santhonythomas: I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves.