@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
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@Sarcasticsapien: So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I'm over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.
@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]
@ANNIEwayyyy: My mom recently figured out that the best way to get me to call her back right away is to text me that someone died but not tell me who.