@robfee: If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?
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@WittySassBasket: Doctor: What's that on your shirt? *flashback to shoving powdered donuts in my mouth* Me: uh, cocaine
@JiminyKicksIt: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
@david8hughes: [last supper] "Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver." "30." "Sorry Judas?" [sips wine] "I didn't say anything."
@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.