@Ivsy01: If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits
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@WickedCynic: Autocorrect changed "meeting" to "mating" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work.
@david8hughes: [wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@Reverend_Scott: Iron Man: I'll hack into their security. Hulk: HULK SMASH DOOR! Thor: I'll silence their guards. Captain America: What's a microwave?